Stay strong in your truth. Its important not to blame this person or make them feel guilty for what happened, but instead, allow them to offer you support and understanding. The first step I recommend is to go No Contact with the narcissist. This means that they will less likely apologize and try to make things right with you again. Improve your emotional wellbeing whenever and wherever you want. If I answered those questions truthfully, I knew hed get me into a word salad and the conversation would continue to escalate until I caved and he got the result he wanted. The narcissist discards people for their benefit and they do not care about your feelings at all. Then suddenly you will find a text from the guy on your phone. I can explain she is a narcissist, but nobody can even begin to understand the fear. Every new relationship is a countdown to zero, at which point they become bored and unsatisfied, longing for a new partner to enhance their self-worth. There are though many wonderful channels out there on the topic. He can have you arrested. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Narc Wise with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. It wasnt safe and there was no right answer. Recyclers tend to value familiarity. . These traits make the narcissist popular, as they boost the ego of their target. Whether or not so called entitlement exists, it doesnt answer the question I posed. The act of going No Contact (especially within the context of removing yourself from dysfunctional narcissistic family systems), is perfect because it offers fodder for their campaign. Learn from experts and get insider knowledge. A therapist will not judge your situation in any way and they can provide helpful advice and tips for how you should move forward after this experience. Never date married men. Although ghosting also occurs in friendships, it's usually associated with dating. They simply wanted to get rid of you in the most efficient way possible and that is why they chose to discard you without any warning or explanation. In answer to your questionsyou may never get the answers you are looking for. Narcissists are skilled manipulators and they may make you feel like its your fault, but that is simply a tactic to ensure that you do not get angry or upset about what happened. After devaluing the partner, which can take many forms such as gaslighting, insulting, demeaning, humiliating, smear campaigning, disappearing and cutting off contact, cheating, physical abuse and much more, the narcissist will often simply discard their victim and walk away. His eyes went dark and were completely soulless and his vengeance was horrifying. If they continue to talk to you about the narc, beware that they may be a Flying Monkey for the narc. I know he wants to end things in person with me because he said he wants to have a serious talk in person and not via text. I am still working through the recovery phase as a person sincerely questions how and why the red flags were not acted on. Regardless of the fact you are no longer in contact, if you fall for this they are still controlling and manipulating you. He would help by just making his own meals. She has tormented me for years and this was her final blow. They will do whatever it takes to paint themselves as the victim and you as the perpetrator, regardless of what the truth is.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4','ezslot_5',119,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4','ezslot_6',119,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4-0_1'); .leader-4-multi-119{border:none !important;display:block !important;float:none !important;line-height:0px;margin-bottom:15px !important;margin-left:auto !important;margin-right:auto !important;margin-top:15px !important;max-width:100% !important;min-height:250px;min-width:250px;padding:0;text-align:center !important;}. They are devoid of any real human emotion and are completely unmoved by the fact that they are the cause of your pain and tears.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-1','ezslot_12',110,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-1','ezslot_13',110,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-1-0_1'); .netboard-1-multi-110{border:none !important;display:block !important;float:none !important;line-height:0px;margin-bottom:15px !important;margin-left:auto !important;margin-right:auto !important;margin-top:15px !important;max-width:100% !important;min-height:250px;min-width:250px;padding:0;text-align:center !important;}. The narcissist/NPD will ghost you because: *They don't care how it affects you and don't care that it makes it obvious how little you mean to them. The discard, especially the first one, is just a way of devaluing you as a person and exerting further control. The silent treatment occurs during the devaluation phase of the abuse cycle to punish you and to fortify trauma bonds (see Why is it so hard to leave and abusive relationship with a narcissist? But Ive certainly paid for that in a big way. This is where people often find themselves apologising for things they didnt even do, just to appease the narcissist and relieve the feelings of pain, rejection and abandonment. Youre showered with praise, gifts, and affection (known as love-bombing); this is when the narcissist is at their best and they appear to be forming a genuine connection with you. You will rarely see them again unless they find themselves up late one night, bored and horny. Game over. Live Like No One's Watching Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today Author Have you been discarded by a narcissist? This narcissistic likes to get physical and last night he got a taste of what it feels like, he called cops on me! Positivemental healthessentially allows you to effectively deal with lifes everyday challenges. The three stages in the narcissistic abuse cycle are: 1,2. Joy never lasts for the narcissist though, and the only way for them to retain that initial pleasure is by exerting power over you. I never stopped you from spending money, did I?, I didnt stop you from seeing your friends, did I?. T. heyve grown bored of the relationship and you serve no further purpose. Lets drill down. It is also employed to communicate your decreasing and contingent worth to the narcissist depending on your ability to meet their supply needs. Your existence is in effect deleted from theirs. He took my chance at saving her from herself. This includes all direct forms of communication with the narcissist. The discard can feel like a death and it may take a long time for you to move on from the experience. They become nostalgic about person A, when they become angered or disappointed with person B or C. They will likely cycle among the same group of people until someone moves away or dies. They push you away with the hope or even expectation that you come grovelling back to them. Similar situation, that worsened over the years due to his nature and substance abuse issues. The strength and courage required is mighty, and the depth of sadness one of real grief*. In all likelihood, this is untrue, but it may feel true to the narcissist as they arent feeling the same high they initially got from the relationship. I have lost all respect for him as I know that he is unable to have a normal healthy adult conversation which means hes not able to have a normal healthy adult relationship which is what I wanted. One is to abuse and the other to stop it. Stop focusing on their who, what,where,why,hows etc. [7+ Reactions] How Do Narcissists Treat Old Supply? Thanks for your post it is another one to reflect on and realize that although the trauma and pain hurt so much it also gave me my courage back and I am not giving up. Their hope is that once you realize how little you mean to them, you will work even harder to please them. Their abuse is beyond your control. So I am a example of what a low down narcissistic will do! We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Youve got this gorgeous one. Unbeknownst to me I was raised by a narcissist, then fell straight into the arms of another one and spent the next two decades being abused by him. I remember a few years before I left my narc husband, I came across some information about narcissism, which is when the penny dropped about my mother being a narc.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-2','ezslot_14',114,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-2-0'); Although it took two more years for me to be pushed to leave my husband, it wasnt until after Id left that I realised he was also a narcissist. Plus I became unwell/disabled about 10 years ago, so kind of relied on him to assist me in the home. If you are a WordPress user with administrative privileges on this site, please enter your email address in the box below and click "Send". Their false self absolutely needs to paint a picture to the world that they are the amazing one and you were the defective one. I mean, the fact that they mean that much to you and that they have that much control over you, just validates their ego even more. I will then answer each of these questions to provide you with the insight and clarity that you need after this kind of experience. With time comes healing and eventually your wounds will fade away until they are only scars left behind to remind you what happened to prevent it from happening again. The narcissists final discard occurs when they finally have squeezed every last ounce of joy and self-worth from you. Narcissists cut off their True Self when they were younger, leaving them to create a False Self, which is ruled completely by their ego. Dear marionfallon1961. Moving into a more intimate phase of the relationship is painful for narcissists as it requires them to reveal their faults and accept that their idealized self is a false perception. Maggie x, Just what I needed to read this evening x, Dear narcwisemaggie, Ive discovered your blog today and Im asking myself so much questions. That is the ultimate win, as you will then have the ability to go on and live the amazing, healthy life that you were always meant to live. By clicking Sign up, you agree to receive marketing emails from Insider They draw you in close, then when you least expect it, they abruptly withdraw. This. If you live together theyll ignore your very existence and dish out their childish silent treatment. They are indeed forms of emotional and psychological abuse. Instead, they highlight how they were the victim and how youll fail in every subsequent relationship. I also picked up that he was likely using this to paint me in a bad life to his family & my son, look how angry/bitter/difficult she is & he was a saint putting up with it. This may be in the form of outright ghosting your messages and calls, right through to not being available for you at all. They know that the pain caused from withholding means that you will not only agree to take ownership of their abuse, but you are also willing to do whatever it takes to make things OK again. The narcissist ghosting after discard. Relaying messages through friends. This kind of love, as Jungian analyst Robert Johnson once said, is always directed at our own projections, our own expectations, our own fantasies . The silent treatment can run from hours, to days, to weeks, to months. In this emotional and mental state, the victim may not even notice that the discard is just over the horizon. The narcissist discard can be even more confusing. One of the best things you can do for yourself after being discarded by a narcissist is to talk about it. I win. They will gaslight you and manipulate your memories and reality in such a way as to try and make you take the blame for the abuse and their poor behaviours. Narcs have zero empathy. One of the initial symptoms of an impending discard is the silent treatment. They will pin blame on you, explaining in detail how you failed them as a partner. Your existence is in effect deleted from theirs. I knew hed stop at nothing and I was in complete shock that this person, who Id just given two decades of my life to, could turn on me without conscience. I've missed you so much!" "I'm so sorry if I hurt you. It is seized as solid evidence that you are one sick puppy, truly narcissistic! I hope to have a man that actually Listens, Cares, & isnt calculating the next scheme! Time will help us all. Narc Wise is abouthelping you inoculate yourself from abusive narcissists, and heal your wounds by growing healthy self-love. You may have shared a life with them and even gotten married, had kids, the whole deal. There is never that concrete something we need for it to all fall into place & make sense. They can only feel good by putting others down. Get out. They want to be the most important person in the room, or at least accepted by the most important . It totally broke me. Both the silent treatment and ghosting relate to withholding information to exercise power and control over you. Why narcissistic abuse and trauma bonding is so powerful for codependents, Why the narcissist chose you: Pathological envy, What happens when the narcissist knows youve figured them out, 3 signs the narcissist is preparing to discard you, Emotionally unhook yourself & starve the narcissist of supply: Heres how, Invalidation and narcissism: Why they slowly erase you, The narcissist's word salad: Stop biting now, Proof the narcissist abuses you intentionally and will never change. Mantra Care aims at providing affordable, accessible, and professional health care treatment to people across the globe. It took a long time to get to that point its just not worth it anymore. This leaves them feeling lonely and disconnected. Speak up. Thank You for answering those questions that I had had on my conscience. Karma eventually catches up to these horrible narc male womanisers. She dragged me into it and threw her rage at me! By the time you get to the final narcissist discard stage, they cant help but show you who they truly are.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_7',120,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); Seeing a narcissists mask fall is a truly frightening experience. you see where this is going? I thought I was the only one that was going through that. 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narcissist ghosting after discard