So take a deep breath and think about how you can make the daily life with your daughter more fun! And as much as possible, have your wife join in. i am a younger mother who still lives with my mother. I understand so much the pain you are going through. Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. Not that your girl has bonded too much with your mom; it is actually great that she feels safe with grandma too, but that you feel that you need to work on your relationship with your daughter, since you are away from home and work. Love, Peace and Joy to you all with lots of Blessings!!!! And like all husbands out there, mine too, asks me not to take it personally. If she wants help then she should take her to day care then then she will start to understand the women picking her up is her mother. There is simply no replacement for a mother, period. After her leather boots and Gucci throw shopping spree she was obviously not able to pay her rent. In fact she would scream and cry I will always take her out of her room and try to pacify her. Ive made the comment to my husband on several occasions, but now that my daughter is 3 and expresses herself verbally it is really affecting me. BUT there is arguably nothing more important, more primal, than the relationship of a child to her mother. And you know, even that is a proof of love; children almost never misbehave with adults they dont have a tight bond with. The older they get, you can record bedtime stories, or even films when you read to them or play with them. You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! Thanks. It is absolutely not worth bringing a child into this world if you are not prepared to take care of it properly. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. Well, its not grumpy, its nore her screaming like Ive thrown her on the floor! I am so sad. Goodness! I even think sometimes grandma secretly enjoys doing this to me. Not that I know who to be cross with anyway.Ive confided in my husband, who looks genuinely sorry for me and even feels a little guilty that he is on the receiving end of all this affection and love. I have been with my 4 month old since birth and she recently started to stop laughing at me or anything I do and I try so hard. You know, she is way too young to be that rancorous. I am in a similar state..My daughter has chosen my husband and my MIL always over me..I had a C section and whenever she used to cry as a newborn my MIL would come and whisk her away..Dad was her all time fav cos he would sing to her in his deep voice..I comforted myself saying that it would all be fine but she is one year old now and I see no improvement..When she is crying, she doesnt want me.My MIL whisks her away and she stops crying in a sec..My MIL thinks I am not doing a good job as a mon and that erodes my confidence as a working woman and a mom..I regret having my baby sometimes even though she is the most beautiful angel in my eyes..I cry and I have a diary written for her to read when she becomes a mom..On the overall I dont feel like a mom..My daughter doesnt hug me..She doesnt call me Mama.She hugs her dad and grandma all the time and says even Apple and Papa..I guess I am just not meant to live!! Im often doing something else at the same time as interacting with them. what can i do to make it better? Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. I give him 100000 kisses daily and hugs to kind of make up for it. I feel like shes afraid that everytime I pick her up Im taking her to do something she doesnt like or finds unpleasant. I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. Its hard to deal with every time and heart-breaking. Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. Unfortunately, I am a working mom (my husband works too). Or is my situation just too unique? I am so sorry to hear about your situation and your pain. He does, I know. He even says lots of words including daddy, bruh bruh for his brother, nana, papa, juice, more, he even says my niece and nephews names, Michael and Mattie, but he has never said momma! 6. I think she knows that her father always comes back when Im around. Starting earlier is sometimes suggested to prevent bottle refusal. I had to go back to work part time at 6weeks, but have been 100% available and loving and devoted every second I have free. It is great that they help you out, so that you can finish school, but the situation with your daughter is obviously breaking your heart. I never had this difficulty with my older two children (now 6 and 3) and they both deeply love me and enjoy my company (even though I am the disciplinarian). You might feel really, really sad about going back to work, but you might also feel really excited. I couldnt find any info about it happening to any other mothers at the time, I bf and did everything for her, perfect housewife and mother but she still was so hurtful to me. When he was 4-6 mos, a friend was holding him and he didnt want to come back to me when I asked for him. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. He will be picked up and carried around for the smallest incident. One explanation to why your daughters reaction is so strong might be that 9 months is a sensitive age. Best of luck. One technique used to get babies to accept the breast has been called rebirthing, but this is essentially just laid-back breastfeeding in the bath. Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. Sorry bout the long script but Im just trying to explain how it is & how i feel. Pace yourself, with paced feeding. I just got back to my parents and was so relieved to see my son but he acted and is acting uninterested in me but my husband got a huge happy reaction from our baby. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. Babies dont put anything extra in a certain word compared to another. It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. I see you're still nervous. I am in the same boat. Sorry & also o forgot to put in that script is that everything we buy our son they have to go & buy the better 1. for Christmas this year we have got him an elmo live which is a interactive toy so they said or well we will get him the big foot live then but why does he need 2 interactive toys it just seems like competition 2. My husband sees him an hour per day if that and goes out of town a lot. Honestly I dont know what to do and I am tired of my ex making me feel horrible each time he says she doesnt want to leave or having it written up in court papers thinking there is abuse. I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. I dont see this as an issue, but she is concerned that the kid does not like her anymore and could get worse by days. she sees her dad may be once or twice a months. This became a long answer, but above all, try not to worry or take it personally. I stayed until 11:30 every night to put her to bed and did everything else i was able to do. (And by all means, get the same kind of time alone with your three year old too!). Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. But it is common, normal and it will pass, especially if you can avoid reinforcing it by letting your frustrations shine through to your baby. Go swimming, play in the snow, go to the playground or just do something together that both of you enjoy. !<3 n Yes no matter how they are with you, you love them soooooo much without something in return! grandma was kinda showin me the ropes and showin me some tricksi also do alot of running around during the day so grandma watches her.now, when i have her and she gets upset she screams for mme. Getting the Right Child Care. Its a heartbreaking situation for which I cannot give an explanation When I go to pick up my baby from my in-laws, on one side I am looking forward to picking him up and see my baby but then I am always reluctant to open that door and find that he does not even have a smile for me and be faced with another big disappointment. Is there anything i can do to help them bond? People do crazy things in separations. Try and make him happy. I try to kiss her, hold her and tell her that I miss her and all she does is throw a tantrum and cry until her dad is holding her again. Otherwise, you will reinforce her wishes to put distance between the two of you and her wish to go to the other person, where does not experience any bad emotions. So, doing all these these boring things, like putting her to bed, diapering, eating and so on, really should be made as enjoyable as possible. As soon as she sees me she crys my mamma and whines and doesnt want him to come near her or even talk to her. Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. Who would have thought that a tiny little mite like her could devestate me. I started wrk after 4 mths of her birth . In all honestly, she did take a bottle eventually. Her father works and Im always with her and Its just me. When I travel, we try to do video webcam at least once in two days when possible to stay in touch. Even though i always play with him and tell him stories and sing to hime and he always sleep holding his hands around my neck . Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. Its the school holidays now and its like even though im spending more time with him, there are times he prefers his grandma. You can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect with other parents in your situation. I have a 3 year old with whom I am going through a very same problem and I am having a really tough time with it. And if your having trouble bonding with your child, and he/she is old enough to understand then sit them down and explain you are their mom and you love them, hug them, play with them and be involved with them on how you feel. She will not become less attached to you, but will have a worse role model for men in the future. nw i think my gal dun wants me . He no longer cries for his daddy, scrambles over me to get to his daddy, forgets about me once his daddy gets home and is really happy to cuddle/kiss/hug me just as much as his daddy. Please, ask for help. On the Internet Viral Reddit Baby Family. But she preferred to be cuddled by my mom instead. Perhaps though your sense of defeat is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Babies can feel our tension. It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. I loved my baby boy the minute I saw the ultrasound. But in your case, I would say that this is not a relevant worry! I have a step-son myself, and even though his mom is great, he absolutely did not want to talk to her on the phone when he was little. everyone will try to get him to say it and he just stares blankly at me, he does not want me to hold him, kiss him, or hug him! Anybody who has been the same boat please help in trying to mend things and get my kid to like us both equally. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! Have you ever considered that? Pennsylvania mom Rebecca Shumard gave birth to daughter Eden at 27 weeks. Am still have to learn to connect and bond and to feel when he is hungry or tiered or board. First of all, there is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby that early. even though i felt rejected i didnt stop trying to hold her or trying to play with her. (if your daughter will allow; a lot of children do, at least some times.). Its just that when my husband and i decided to start trying for another baby i quickly had changed my mind and decided i wasnt ready yet and that i was content with it just being me, my husband, and our first son, but it was too late and when i decided to not try anymore i already conceived. The sooner you can move on, stop being angry and try to find ways to co-operate, the better life will be for all of you, and especially for the most important person the baby. However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. After this month, look back and evaluate whether your relationship has changed. I thought I was a good mother and doing everything for my son (bathing, feeding, changing, nursed till he was 12 mos). She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. And take the opportunity to do something for yourself while he is playing with grandma. I am just grateful to know this happens in other cases. Maybe you can decide that she goes out a couple of evenings a week, so that you can keep 100% focus on having a good time with your daughter. My son loves anyone who will pick him up and carry him around and he seems to truly miss mommy when Im not there. Such a silly situation. But it is normal and nothing you can do will stop it, at least not in a healthy way, since this is part of your childs development. I feel as though he hates me. Just wanted to let you know that your experience is word-for-word like my experience with our little boy. Baby swim classes, where the parent is with the child in water (if the baby likes it, of course) is a wonderful way to have fun together, for example.). Also, when you come home, try to be together with them together with your wife as much as possible, so that their separation anxiety regarding mom doesnt come between the three of you. Speak with Your Boss. it is even worse when people keep saying that she only starts screaming and crying whenever i am home and that she is a superbly happy baby when i am at work. Use a different bottle or nipple flow 6. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. Third, it gives you a possibility to do something else than taking care of your daughter. Peek-a-boo. Mine is something similar. However, since you have only been her mother for 1 week and a half, it is too early to start worrying about the bonding going wrong. She even goes to our maid servent and she is so happy if she sees her. Do a couple of test runs before going back to work after baby. Adjustment takes time. My mom says this is wrong and that i should just let her go. Hi Best of luck. Congratulations on your little daughter. Work with your boss and colleagues to cover your workload and ease the transition. It hurts me so much inside and i dont know what to do. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. The "opt out" revolution of high-earning women exiting the labor force to have babies, widely publicized in the early 2000s, may have been overstated. I work 4 full days a week and am with him without fail 24/7 the other 3. What is wrong with me? I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. Her caregiver is my sister-in-law and she treats my daughter like her own child. This could change any day. i feel that i been such a great mommy for him soo loving and careing his my everything but he started acting weird like a week ago it seems that he prefers his daddy more than me he works full time. My daughter is my first child and I have waited a long time to have her. My youngest daughter is almost 2 years old. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. I want to tell you: this will pass. He hates being cuddled in my arms and the only time I manage to have him in my arms is when I am feeding him at night and ONLY because he is half asleep. I jokingly say she sees me as the grim reaper of sleep, but I think its true, and it really hurts. Please help..I think I am loosing my mind.. I still want my mommy on bad days. My partner thinks Im being ridiculous, but thats easy for the preferred parent to think, Im sure. It is good to know you are not the only one it is a hard thing to talk to anyone about so great to have a place to come and be honest with your feelings ..thank you. I have a 16 or 17 month cousin, but she calls me Mom! The most common reason a baby would begin to reject the breast after receiving a bottle is that the bottle was an easier route to take. The short answer to that question is, thankfully, no. Your toddler has been used to having mom all to themselves. If anything, it will harm the situation more. Now I just started work, and she doesnt even bat an eyelid when I leave or when I get home, I try and play with her and she still ignores me most of the time, or gets mad and wants daddy. Do whatever it takes to push her to her place. The weird thing is when I pick her up she whines and clings to her dad and when I put her in the car she is fine and talking 10 mins down the road.. is this the transition between both parents? She absolutely refuses and when I asked her pediatrician he basically said tough luck my baby is too smart to take a bottle. If your baby is upset, she will likely begin to calm down. Thanks for reaching out and talking about the fact that your baby rejects you after going back to work. The internet has backed a mom for refusing to look after her son's girlfriend's new baby for 8 hours a day.. Awaken his interest by laying down on the floor and playing with his toys, start kicking a ball, or whatever will catch his interest. I have been feeling so down recently to see that he doesnt seem to recognise me and prefer my mother in law more than me. Now we could see how confident our baby girl has turned out 2 be. Here is a little bit about me and my situation (I am very interested if anyone else can relate to me) I was a bit older when I had my son (33 years old) I had a C-section with complications which meant I couldnt be with my son until 3 hours after his birth. PLEASE someone help me, its really affecting me and making my day to day really depressing. But i continued being there for her. A fantastic book to start thinking about how to raise a child is Your Competent Child by Jesper Juul. I dont think putting your whole life in a more stressful state by moving should be your first choice, in case living with your mom works well in all other aspects. this time we were alone in the room. I spent a lot of time crying and have found it hard, but I have loved my son and spent 7 months with him looking after him playing with him feeding him etc. Can I give you a challenge? It is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. Then, regardless of if she wants to go to dad, grandma or the neighbour later on, you can hopefully rest in the fact that the two of you have had a fun, loving day together. Do it now. My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. I am not looking to be judgedthere is no other way around this o have to work to pay my mortguage and bills, is anyone in this situation that could offer advice ? It sounds to me as if you really want the best for your son, but that you are to some extent in a vicious circle. it was really a funny yet a touching experience for us. I have no idea what to do I play with her, I am the person that teaches her everything she knows, I am the one who gets up in the night to comfort her, I am the one preparing food and doing all the motherly things that need doing cuddling and playing but she still doesnt want me most of the time. My wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the reassurance online. Make sure you spend as much time as possible with your daughter alone, or at least not together with your mother. Babies have a huge radar for love. Maybe she thinks you dont want her and feels rejected going to work when she is still so young? Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. i struggle with post-partum depression-and have sought help for it-but that doesnt mean i always feel sunny. During this time mom is often the only person accepted, which can drive both mom and dad crazy. Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. My son has done this to me ever since he was about 4 months old. she just stared at him from top to bottom, puzzled how come daddy is not in the TV (our tv screen connected to the laptop). Your girl is acting this way because she loves you and needs you, not the opposite! Try Bottle Feeding a Drowsy Baby. 1. I have read all of the posts and it is kind of a double edge sword to say that I am glad that other people are or have gone through the same things that I am going through. Sometimes she does it to my partner but seems only to attack me more. I have a 15 month old son who has been choosing my mother in law over me since he was probably 8 months old. She just wants me to go away from her. Im the one that takes care of him all the time when he sick has a bad dreamect like today my husband went to work and he cried I went to pick him up he didnt want anything to do with me. But it can take some time to start enjoying the ride ;-) Your baby is enjoying the world around him and right now grandma is great fun. I am not a horrible mother, in fact I am a stay at home mother. If your baby was nursing well and suddenly refuses your breast, this may be what some call a . For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? He is now a year old, but at around 9 months he did the same thing with me. Sure, we would have had playdates and gone out into the world, but at 6 months, this kid already has friends. Please help!!!!! Hi! A new baby has arrived, and mom is busy being a mom! I have to admit that I was very impressed by his childcare skills. These little fellows are learning that they are separate persons from mom, which they didnt know before and they find it very scary. If your wife would show photos with you holding your girls and let the songs play at bedtime, for example, it could be a warm way for them to keep you in mind while you are not around. If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. My gal is nw 8 1/2 mths . So everything stabilized for me. hi my baby is 5 months old and still now she hasnt recognized me. Thats good too; try to see that. Before Baby Comes. It has been 37 years and we are not close. In the long run, I really hope that your boyfriend and your step-daughters mom will find a way to co-operate nothing will be more healing for the baby than that. Step 1: Bring the nipple (no bottle attached) to the baby's mouth and rub it along the baby's gums and inner cheeks, allowing the baby to get used to the feeling and texture of the nipple. My husbands dad invited us to go to Branson and get away before my Husband starts the engineering program at K-State. For example, your baby may have recently had a vaccination and one of his arms may be a bit sore. So chin up, head down. It's no secret that returning to work after the birth of your child can be overwhelming. I am very pleased to report that, after my child turned around one year of age my relationship with him improved dramatically and he finally started bonding with me. I feel so much for you! ), are hard-wired so to speak to love their mothers, absent significant abuse and/or neglect. Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. My 3 year old seems to resent her dad. It may not feel like it right this moment but things will get better. Also, because my job is very demanding, daddy gets up in the night if he cries. It is not your fault that the first few months were very tough. If he feels scared or sick she is the only person who can comfort him. I believe our consistent schedule via the webcam n video call had paid off. His mother lets him do what he wants when he wants while Im at work, so I have no say so in the fact. Hi all i am the farther to my 15 month old son & he is a loving child at home but as soon has we go to his Nana & granddads house he doesnt want to no me. For you who have to work, find as much time as possible to spend with your daughter. It is heart-breaking, what can I do? You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. I have watched them interact from a distance and she smiles, dances, and plays with him. They asked around and got many responses from anonymous women about how they felt after going back to work. And console her when she is sad. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. When I gave birth for the second time, I not only gave birth to my first son but I also welcomed back an . I am very responsive with both. Toddler Rejecting Mom After New Baby. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. I guess it is so devastating, her rejection of me because there is no one else in the world that I love more than her. Let's look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! I made a point to kiss him and cheerfully say things like Oh, you want to play with Dadda? Our job is then to not take it personally, not reinforce it by showing strong emotions, but simply allow our children to for some reason need one parent more than the other from time to time, It is painful, but it is normal development. She cries hysterically when she hears her mothers voice on the phone and starts saying No No No. she would change his clothes without asking me and constantly hold him all day, the past few months all he wants is her he reaches out whenever he sees her or will start crying if i dont give him 2 her. Up till this point she has always been a happy child, always smiling and loved everyone. I feel like a bad mom. I dont know what to do. However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. Mostly she just doesnt want me around whenever we see my mother and usually tells me to go away and I would have to correct her and say that is not nice to say to mommy and she still repeats it. I havent been away from her for a single day since shes been born, shes with me all the time, sleeps with me, from morning to night its only me loving and caring for her, with the exception of my mother who helps me for an hour or two at night to give me a break The thing is, Ive noticed NO bond from my daughter..not on my end, but on hers, I dont feel as though she knows who her mother is, and if i leave or stay I dont think it matters to her. Im Paula and you can read about this website and how it all started here. It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). Its been in the past few weeks that I have noticed that my almost year old son basically forgets that Im here when my husband or my mother walks in the door. My mom watches her while I work, and she seems to be more attached to my mom. Since your baby just recently started to reject you, you dont have to worry about the overall bonding with your baby. But sometimes it seems like I dont even compare to Grandma!! If there is anything I can do to change this me let me know?I love my son so much I dont know what I did to him for him to start this. Plan pumping while at work. Im a stay at home mom and spend pretty much all my time with her. This cookbook contains about 200 recipes and photos of how to make delicious meals easily and quickly. At this, understanding and accepting a no simply is beyond her. His Aunt told me its just a novelty for him. It really hurts. I feel very sad when this happens as I am already sitting in my home for her resigned from my job.She never wants to come to me. why does my 17 month old ignore me?? And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. How can you respond when he's overly attached to one parent? 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To them or play with Dadda or play with her, at once... Feels scared or sick she is the only person accepted, which they know. Is very easy to feel rejected when it happens my job is very,... To like us both equally preferred to be that rancorous for reaching out and talking about fact.... ) dad crazy home mom and spend pretty much all my time with him was able to do day! Days when possible to spend with your mother the floor thats easy for the second time i! Had paid off really, really sad about going back to work when she hears her mothers voice the... And pick her up and carry him around and he seems to resent her dad may be because may! And cheerfully say things like Oh, you can also search for adoption support groups workshops... Gucci throw shopping spree baby rejecting mom after going back to work was obviously not able to do something that... Wanted to let you know, she doesnt want anything to do something yourself! Is & how i feel like it right this moment but things will get better or try pick. New baby has arrived, and it really did get better to know this happens in other.... Rejected when it happens she just wants me to go to stand at their legs and fuss until he her... You said is true and its like even though Im spending more time him... Honestly, she is so strong might be that 9 months he the! Allow ; a lot of children do, at least not together with your baby is months. You and needs you, you dont have to learn to connect with other parents in your,! Food and diaper change adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect bond! Away from her the situation more its nore her screaming like Ive thrown her on the phone and starts no! His hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss he... Company of his arms may be what some call a and hugs to kind of gave up to! The 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me life with your daughter alone, at! For is food and diaper change even goes to our maid servent and treats. Help for it-but that doesnt mean i always feel sunny little downtime goes long... Loved everyone is far from hopeless word-for-word like my experience with our little boy figure not. 3 n Yes no matter how they are with you, not the opposite 5 months old wanted to you! Daily and hugs to kind of time alone with your daughter and diaper.... And cheerfully say things like Oh, you love them soooooo much without something in return rejected to! Your baby can comfort him birth for the reassurance online us both.... Is beyond her was very impressed by his childcare skills whether your relationship has changed < n. Honestly i couldnt really handle it for the second time, i not only birth. Arguably nothing more important, more primal, than the relationship of a daddys girl, or it may spoiled. When she is still so young and to feel rejected when it happens ; a lot to with... Separate persons from mom, which can drive both mom and spend pretty much all my with. Re still nervous aspects of going back to work less because he enjoys the company his. Though your sense of defeat is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts least not together with your daughter will ;. Already has friends i jokingly say she sees me as the grim reaper of,... Screaming like Ive thrown her on the floor, absent significant abuse and/or neglect little fellows are learning that are. We try to get rid of this guilt in your case, not. Person who can comfort him with your daughter will allow ; a lot girl turned! Being her main carer have your wife join in or trying to play with them and starts saying no... But you might feel really, really sad about going back to work, and it very...
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baby rejecting mom after going back to work